Mea Culpa

I'd like to think that we live our lives within a series of Sliding Doors. There are countless paths we choose to take each day, each month and each year. Especially, each year. Universities, careers and relationships chosen are a culmination of the forks in the road that we follow down the path of life. How often do you look back though, and think "my mistake." How many times does that fleeting moment of regret hit you each day? For some of us, the feeling of dread and regret follows us like a shadow. The other, more fortunate set, make their choices and go with it without looking back. Oh do I wish I had what they had.

I pose to you today though, don't fall victim to the constant agitation of always looking back and what could have happened. The phrase mea culpa, which literally translates to my mistake, or my fault, rears its ugly head in far too many 20 year old young adults. It's just a nuisance. If you feel like there is something you should have done, then do it today, but if the moment has passed then let it bury itself.

To quote Wikipedia (the highest form of literary work, no doubt) the origin of the expression is from a prayer of confession of sinfulness. Making a mistake is not sinning. Nor is taking the wrong path.

So, rather than convincing yourself of making a mistake, look at it as an opportunity to perceive or recognize how you can change, AKA discern...which naturally, is latin for "to learn."

No fireplace, but it's getting warm in here

Housewarming.

One doesn't just move into an apartment and write a blog about it without addressing the housewarming process. And I don't mean in the party sense, because if you've ever moved into an apartment you know that the real parties happen long before the official wine and cheese I-no-longer-have-a-bank-account-so-appreciatemyart classy party.

I'm talking about the housewarming gifts. The elusive it's not my birthday or Hanukkah but where are the goods time, when no one is allowed to walk in empty-handed for fear of missing out on next month's (week's) ragefest. So herein lies the issue.

If you're about to head over to your friend's new place, for god sakes put down the orchid. Put down the mezuzah and seriously I probably won't ever open your cheap bottle of white wine unless I'm lonely and it's a night that ends in Y. Okay, the wine can go back in the bag. But do you know what we really want, us 20-somethings who can't afford, like, anything?

A freaking case of water bottles. That's the kind of stuff we can't go to mom and dad for. Think outside the box. What do you think we need most? It's not a scented candle if that was your next guess. Even a picture frame (picture included, come on now) would do. It's functional too, wherever I put it is one less space I have to fill.

Next time when you shop for your friend's new digs, just know that she's probably been eyeing those coasters at Urban and she'll probably love you forever for showing up with them. We drink in our 20s, FYI. Be that friend that's useful. The one that people actually like to have around. You'll thank me later.

Happy Weekending,
Steph

My Happy Dance 2.0

Okay, here it goes. I’ve been poked and prodded, urged and coerced. I’ve been asked, ahem, repeatedly, if I’ll be keeping a written and very public online diary of the trials and tribulations of moving out of my parents’ house. The questions were as follows:

“SO, you’re starting a blog right?” “I’ll get to follow along with you as you venture into the uncharted territory of adulthood?” And my personal favorite, so are you gonna upload all of your furniture to the blog and tell people where to get fabulous finds for cheap? Please…I’m a 23 year old working girl, not Marie Claire.

But, their wish is my commandment, so I’ve decided to start a Blog. And I’ll start you off with a quote:

“Because if you've found meaning in your life, you don't want to go back. You want to go forward. “

Thanks Morrie Schwartz.

I’m not going to preach to you and hold up my metaphorical shining rock and dance around claiming to have found the meaning of life, but there is a profound peacefulness in knowing who you are and not being afraid to act accordingly.

So, as I said: here it goes. Welcome to the life and times of another 23 year old just trying to make her mark.

An Ode to My Parents

"The family is both the fundamental unit of society as well as the root of culture. It ... is a perpetual source of encouragement, advocacy, assurance, and emotional refueling that empowers a child to venture with confidence into the greater world and to become all that he can be."

MARIANNE E. NEIFERT, Dr. Mom's Parenting Guide

“I suppose [my life] has most resembled a blue chip stock: fairly stable, more ups than downs, and gradually trending upward over time. A good buy, a lucky buy, and I've learned that not everyone can say that about his life.”

NICHOLAS SPARKS, The Notebook

      As my college graduation day nears, I’ve started thinking about what has led me to become the person I am today. I could cast it off and attribute my success to hours of studying, pressure to perform or just simply societal mandates that we graduate and join the real world, but that’s not what actually drove me to walk across the stage on May 11.

      Growing up, I saw too many kids fall through the cracks. I knew students just like me who foundered upon moving away and ultimately returned to the comfort and solace of their parents’ homes. Many of whom are still there today.

      So what made me different? As the question manifested itself in my psyche, I could no longer ignore it. The single most reason why I managed to succeed can be boiled down to one word: Stability.

      I’m not saying that the kids whose lives turned out different than mine lacked this consistent stability, but I am wholeheartedly acknowledging what I know was the case for my own life. The stable upbringing my parents provided me not only served as building blocks for success, but they are what drove me to the far ends of the earth without ever forgetting my roots.

      Reflecting on my youth, I think I exemplified a different kind of ADD. I couldn’t sit still, but on a much, much larger scale. I went from private school to public and back in 3 years, only to move on to a different public school 3 years later. Then I started to search for the perfect high school. My parents never batted an eyelash. Caring and nurturing throughout, they urged me to find my best fit.

      Greenhill was the place I knew I would love. For 4 happy years, I thrived as a mature young adult and grew to become the person I am today.

      Sophomore year I was merely a sixteen year old whose summer interests turned sharply from summer camp to a month’s homestay in Spain. I again was met with eagerness and assurance that I would succeed in any endeavor.

      Ultimately, the day came for me to choose a college. Being the adventuresome thrill-seeking girl that I was, it didn’t bother me that I would be going to an out-of-state school, in a city I had never been to, on a campus I had never visited, and to a place where I had no family.

      Apparently- it didn’t bother them either.

      I am simply attempting to put into words the indescribable upbringing with which I was blessed. I was never told that I was too naive, too inexperienced, or too immature to do anything upon which I had set my heart.

      At 21, I traveled all the way to Europe and lived and studied in one of the world’s busiest cities. Along with my belongings, I carried my family’s love, loyalty and support 110% percent of the way.

      So you see, there are ways to bring up a child.

      There will always be limits and boundaries and reasons to say no, but the times they will remember and cherish forever are the times when you let the rules bend a little. It’s okay to quiet the voice in your head that urges you to keep your children around for just a little longer.

      If they feel your support, your love and your stability, then no matter how far you let them go, they will always come back.

The Tweet of the Day

      There’s a saying, “if you can’t change the people around you, then change the people around you.” I’ll give you a second or two to let that sink in. – We good? Okay.

      Well I read that the other day on, of course, Twitter, (#dontknockittillyatryit) and it just kind of stuck. I’m a big believer that we have control of our own destinies.

      As my time at college draws to a close (7 weeks, but who’s counting right?) I’ve started to become incredibly reflective on my time in the great state of Georgia. I’ve made friends that will last a lifetime and our memories will hardly be forgotten. But, I would be lying if I didn’t admit I’m excited for a change.

      College is great, but man I am so ready to get back into city life. Coming here I have learned so much about myself. I’m ready for the opportunities a post-grad life will bring, and somehow no matter how far away I am, my appreciation for Texas has remained about as big as the state itself.

      I surely didn’t want to change the people around me these past 4 years, but now that my thoughts have shifted I’m glad to have that chance.

A New Kind of Sleep Cycle

      I’ll warn you. This post isn’t gonna be pretty – but like many of my others – it’s still I something I believe needs to be said.

     I had one of those nights last night, the ones where you wake up in the middle of the night and check the clock, hoping it’s only a few minutes to your alarm, but in the back of your mind you know it’s far, far too dark outside.

     6:35 a.m. Great. I had two choices. I could sit there and spend my idle time forcing myself back to sleep (we both know that wouldn’t go well), or I could use my wired state to think about the day ahead. Well, the day became the month, the month became the year. I was literally sitting in a dark room thinking, no, worrying about the coming months. Ugh… nothing good would come of this.

     So that’s when the idea for this post started to form in the corners of my mind. Here I was obsessing about something for which I had absolutely zero control. I was being too hard on myself, critical that I had taken a golden opportunity to plan (or really even sleep) and turned it into a pity party. And not the good kind. I’m talking the kind of party where you’re the guest with no certain future and no real job offer. Yet everyone somehow wants to know what YOU’RE doing after graduation.

     We all do that, you know. When our minds are too idle we’re prone to worry; we aim to control the uncontrollable. Like, if somehow we think about it enough the events will fall naturally into place like pieces of a puzzle.

     I challenge you to retrain your mind. I’m certainly going to try. I challenge you to dwell on the positive. Use those elusive early hours of the morning to get excited about the good things in your life.

     It took me a full 45 min for the fact that it’s a Friday to even cross my mind. I have one class today and the weekend will make itself known before 2pm. Yet here I was thinking about how I would probably have to work in July. Don’t say you haven’t been there.

     Everyone wants a challenge. Game on.

All That Sparkles Is Not Gold

Per my usual pedantic entries, I find myself writing again about the inner workings of the human psyche. I haven’t done exuberant amounts of formal training to hone my skill of reading people, but the more time I spend around others the more inclined I feel to attempt to figure them out. I didn’t choose to be this way, I didn’t actively search for ways to decode my friends, family or myself, but I find that as I am getting older the urge to dig deeper has yet to subside. Since it is perhaps too late to restart college (who wouldn’t want to though) I figure that my talents at this point are best spent writing about what I observe. No one wants to feel like they are friends with a psychologist – constantly being poked prodded and analyzed – but a writer? I think I can swing that mysterious edge I have going on.

So back to the point of my work. I already told you what I thought about the spotlight effect and how it actually affects all of us in one way or another. Well, loyal readers, I have a new one for you and this one is no joke. I’ve figured one of the greatest flaws of human nature. One that marketers, advertisers, matchmakers and especially Steve Jobs prey on when they attempt to attract and sell you the latest and greatest available. I present to you the shiny ball syndrome. Think about it for a minute, take a second, let it sink in. when you were a kid, did you not run around the playground chasing after bouncing balls aiming to grasp them and eventually become the keeper of the keys, the team captain, the coolest? Later on, those “balls” became your world of must-haves; the secrets to success. Once you caught a ball, or became inducted into the cool kids or chosen first for (insert elementary school game here) that feeling of pride just stuck. Like a crack addict, we’ve been trying to emulate that victorious feeling for the rest of our lives.

In high school, the elusive ball became a girl, boy or good grade, depending on your level of academic motivation or lack of. That’s when things started to get interesting. For some people there’s just one girl or boy that makes the chase worthwhile. If you’ve ever seen the movie “I Love You, Beth Cooper,” for one nerdy boy Beth Cooper shined brighter than any ball in Travolta’s “Saturday Night Fever.”

But I digress.

For a few, the shiny ball isn’t a person; it’s a feeling. It’s the feeling that we need to be chasing something or someone to validate our existence; to validate our social status. Basically, if you’re not trying for better than you’re just. Not. Good. Enough. And that my friends, is where I’ve been stuck like a girl in rapidly sinking quicksand.

Only lately did a friend tell me she thinks I have shiny ball syndrome. The subject changed as quickly as it was broached, partly because I didn’t know what that meant but mostly because I didn’t want to find out. Not from her, not from anyone. But alas, the notion stuck. Did I actually have what she claimed? Was I leading down a path of eternal unsatisfaction?

When I said it’s like a drug, I guess I wasn’t kidding. This kind of thinking sneaks up on you from a young age and just hangs there, feeding on every close encounter, growing with every boy left alone at the end of a date night while I jumped to something better.

It’s painful to say even now, but it’s something worth expressing in words. Nothing good ever came from internalizing and withholding the emotions. Even if it’s not the most desirable thing to read in the world, good journalism and blogging doesn’t come from simply giving the people what they want. Is it not the New York Times that touts their age old slogan, “all the news that’s fit to print?” delving into human nature, all good and bad of it, is not only fit to print, but it’s something I felt compelled to discuss. I had to get it out.